i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
