we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
