P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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