I'm so fucking centered right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
