The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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