Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
