remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
