What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
