I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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