worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize