Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
