The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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