I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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