Dual....:-)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
