I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
