dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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