Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
