So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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