I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
