if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
