Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
A bitchslap is in order.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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