That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
