My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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