new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
