Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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