she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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