The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
