She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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