Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
