Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
