we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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