u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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