i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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