I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
