There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
