Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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