Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need help removing her.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think a kid would responsible me up
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
