her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
