captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
