I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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