So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
