I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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