I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
