he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
