First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
