He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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