But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
