i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
