Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
