Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
