Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
