Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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