Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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