Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
