i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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