i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
