Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
