I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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