he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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