Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
