Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize