Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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