I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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