Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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