My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
