But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
